Excercise

I did my Yogalates DVD last night and the only "naughty" thing i ate was a cake. I had to see if they were ok for Mother and baby today. Home made fairy cakes.

Weight this morning 12st 3 pounds

Breakfast Frosties again.

Lunch will be noodles and dinner is scheduled to be lasagne (homemade).

I am not exercising tonight but will do my DVD again tomorrow.

Until then.

Start to fitness

Well, before the weekend i was 12 stone, but due to the weekends excess i am now 12 stone 3 pounds.

As of now i have eaten a bowl of Frosties for my breakfast and am planning on a toasted cheese sandwich (Asda 50% less fat cheese) and Chicken in Black Bean Sauce (left over Chinese from Saturday) and cous cous for dinner.

Also i am planning to do my Yogalates DVD tonight and walk to the village for some eggs (maybe not back though). Will post results tomorrow for you.

Til tomorrow. xxx

Busy busy busy !

I haven't written for a while as firstly i didnt have anything to sat that was even remotely interesting and then i was busy panicking about Emily's birthday celebrations at the weekend. I had decided to start excercising regularly last week but events and a bout of sinusitis conspired against me. Emily's birthday celebrations went really well including the family BBQ that i thought would end in disaster.

We went to Southend beach on Saturday and Emily had her first "toe in the sea" experience and made a sandcastle too.

We had a wonderful day (Em, her dad and i) but had to set off for home earlier than expected as it was about to storm. I had really been looking forward to eating out at a pub or restaurant too. Before we left and after we had been round the Sea Life Centre (which was great) Emily had eaten a large quantity of fruit and drunk one and a half Fruit Shoots. In the car she proceeded to get tired and whingy and eventually got herself so worked up that she puked all of said fruit and fruit shoots up over her new car seat, the car and all of herself.

I was so worried that Emily was going to choke on the half strawberries that she was bringing up that we had to stop in a bus stop layby off a dual carriageway. I crouched down to clean her up and the only pair of jeans that fit me ripped at the top of the leg rendering them useless. We got back in the car and continued on our way after a lengthy clean up and were just about to go onto the M25 when the storm hit. It hailed and rained so hard that Jon (Em's dad) could hardly see to drive. I mentioned to him that perhaps it was nature's way of telling us that we shouldn't actually go anywhere ever. He didn't seem to find this funny and was not impressed. Lol. I treated us to a chinese to make up for it when we got back.

The BBQ on the Sunday was at my Aunt's house and we needed to get a cake and now some new trousers for me to wear that day too. We picked my sister up just after 1pm and set off for Asda in Hatfield where Jon works. I got my trousers and the cake and just before 2.15pm we set off for the BBQ. I was panicking at this point as i thought we were going to be late but somehow we still arrived at 2.30 at my Aunt's house.

The BBQ was already on when we arrived, the garden looked great and everyone was in high spirits. We had some food, drank some drinks and entertained the kids for a while with bubbles. Then my sister got the cricket set out and she, my uncle, Jon and my mum's boyfriend played that with hilarious results and a lot of competition too. We all left at about 6pm (a lot later than we had planned to) tired, fed and happy. We dropped my sis off at her house and i came home and put Em to bed.

Today i have woken up with the need to make cakes for Mother and Baby tomorrow and to implement my idea for a fitness regime. I have in my head to do my Yogalates DVD on Monday, Wednesday and Friday and to do a "walk, run, walk, run" on Thursday and Sunday when Jon is here. I have planned to record my weight each day, the food i have eaten during the day and what exercise i have done too. So my next post (two in a day again) will show this.

Relationships

Wow. Big topic i have picked for today. Well, some stuff that has been happening recently has made me think about the way i view the relationships i have. I used to think that there was one person for everyone and obviously that i had found my "one". Since then things have changed and i have started thinking that maybe we need to interact with lots of people, in order to enrich ours lives fully. Maybe wishful thinking but hey it gives me hope and that's all you need really.

I have been reading a self - help book that my sister lent me (groan) and it says that people who have backgrounds similar to mine, tend to go for a man that they look after and do everything for or people that they think they need to try to "fix" emotionally. Well i am not sure about self - help books in general but this one made a bit of sense and kind of fitted in to the men i have chosen in the past and the men i am attracted to now too.

It is hard for me to meet people as i am in a lot looking after my little one, so i rely on the Internet and meeting people in random places like the supermarket etc. And as you know on the Internet it is easy to lie and make yourself out to be better than you are. As i am naturally suspicious and don't really have much self esteem i tend to be a bit wary of believing people i meet on the Internet.

I haven't had a lot of luck with dating websites and have all but given up on them as they are expensive too. So given all of this and bearing it in mind i have decided that i need to change the way i am with relationships. I tend to put all of myself into most that i have. Whether they are friendship or romance and i tend to end up looking like a bit of a bugaboo ! So i am going to try instead to take each one at face value and let it develop naturally.

I hope my new strategy works and i can find my new "Prince Charming". In the meantime (and i may be getting my Fairy Tales mixed up) i will kiss a few more frogs and see if they turn into princes.

Excercise

Well last night i finally indulged in some exercise. Maybe indulged is the wrong word. Subjected myself to is more like it !! I haven't done much exercise since my daughter was born (two years ago). Before then i went to the gym about 3 times a week with my hubby.

I have a DVD of Yogalates (which in case you couldn't guess is a mix of Yoga and Pilate's) and so i thought i would go for the easy option (easy planning wise as i don't need to worry about running with Emily in the pushchair etc).

I have only done the DVD a couple of times before last night and had forgotten how difficult it was ! And how i cant be interrupted during it. You have to get yourself into positions that require you to stay there for periods of time. If i am disturbed i need to go back and start the exercise again.

So i did the DVD and i am a little sore this morning. I will however persevere and try to do it 3 times a week. It says on the DVD that if you do it 3 times a week for a month you will notice the difference and in 3 months you will have a "much more streamlined and defined body". We we will see eh. Also when my ex is here i will go for a run for half an hour so that should help too. That will probably be twice a week.

So i am looking forward to my streamlined shape and hope to be fit enough by the time the run comes around.

I have a few more reasons for losing weight and getting fit too. I am going to a wedding in October and i want to be fit to run around after my little monster too so this run is incentive to get fit and lose weight.

Lets see if i can keep it up. He he.

Today

Well what can i say. Today was one of those days, where nothing seemed to go right. It started with Emily waking up whingy and continued to get worse from there. Today we needed to go to the dentist and have our hair cut. My dentist appointment was at 11.50 and Em usually eats at 12, so i decided to take a picnic.

We got ready and i went to take the pushchair downstairs and..... it wasn't there ! It wasn't outside the flat door where i always leave it ! Well, i went mental calling my neighbours everything under the sun, saying how much i hated living here and kicking the hall cupboard door. When i calmed down, i got my keys and went to get the other pushchair out of the shed. That one is really too small for Emily but i thought it would have to do until i got a new one.

That's when i saw it......my pushchair !!!! WHERE I LEFT IT on the downstairs landing. I came in yesterday with tons of bags and couldn't bring it up, was going to go back for it and forgot !! I couldn't believe it. I almost wished it had actually been stolen !! I wanted the ground to open up and swallow me !!! What a Twat.

Anyway the rest of the day wasn't that bad. Em and i had our picnic then we played in the park and came home. Then we popped to get our hair cut and i got lost. I have lived in my village for nearly 12 years and still got lost ! The hair cut went fine and Emily sat still really well and behaved while i had my hair cut too.

We had dinner and then we just spent about half an hour cuddled up on the sofa together watching TV. I am also now taking Evening Primrose Oil Capsules of 1000mg as i am hoping this will improve my mood !

Tea now and a couple of big rum and J20's later methinks. Anyway hope you enjoyed my crap day and i suppose at least i can laugh about it now. More laughing after the rum i think !! Lol.

Twitter

I just wanted to write a little note about Twitter. I have been single as i said before since Sept 2008 and since then i have tried several things to keep myself occupied.

I joined a few "adult dating" websites. They were fun for a while, i got to talk to new people and meet a couple too (naughty naughty) ;-p

I joined some dating websites and was talking to a guy via email for a while but didn't have any real luck.

I talked to people (from the "adult dating" websites & others too) via msn until they all got bored with me.

And i am on facebook which is mostly to keep in touch with my existing friends as i am crap otherwise.

However it wasn't until i joined Twitter that i really felt like people actually wanted to listen to what i say. I would never have thought of writing a blog until i discovered Twitter. I now feel like i am part of a family. There is always someone to support you if you are down. There is always someone to share your story with. It might not always be the same person each time or it might be several people at a time but there always seems to be someone who knows how you feel or knows how to fix something that needs it !

So really i just wanted to say that i feel like my life has been enriched and changed for the better by Twitter and hopefully my health will improve when i finally start training for my run.

Thanks to all the wonderful people who make Twitter fun and a big thanks to the people i consider my new "family".

Love you all. xxx

Sponsor

Two posts in one day ? Dont get used to it i am not sure it is going to happen again any time soon. Having trouble thinking of things to write so this will probably end up being a blog about Emily. Lmao.

Just wanted to mention that i am running on behalf of Jessica's Trust on the 6th of September in the Adidas Womens Challenge. I am raising money via Just Giving on http://www.justgiving.com/kirsty_h_99. I want to raise money but i am hoping to raise awareness more.

Hopefully i will be wearing a T shirt provided by Ben and that will help to raise awareness. I will probably hand out some leaflets too. I think that it is a very important cause and want to help as much as i possibly can.

To read more about it go to http://www.jessicastrust.org.uk/ sign the petition and follow @jessicastrust on Twitter.

Laters xxx

Nathan

I wrote this after Ben (@jessicastrust) said that it might help. It made me feel better writing it and it gave people insight that they didn't have before. I am not sure at the minute whether i am going to share this blog with anyone but i thought i would add my story here.

Nathan Jo Hamer

On the 30th of August 1997 I got married to Jon. At the time I was (I thought) 6 months pregnant. The next day it was my mum’s birthday and also the day that Princess Diana died. We had stayed overnight in a pub local to my mum on the night of the 30th and the 31st was spent getting glares in a pub whilst trying to celebrate my mums birthday. That night I spent my first night in our new flat in Wheathampstead (incidentally that is where I still live).

The next day I woke to my new life and as usual visited the loo where I discovered I was bleeding. Obviously I panicked and knocked on my neighbour’s door to ask some advice. The lady I spoke to said that it does happen and that I should lie down and rest to see if it helped. I couldn’t stay in bed very long and called the hospital to advise them that I was bleeding; they told me to see my doctor. I went along to the surgery where the doctor said to go straight to the hospital. I arrived and was shown in to a room and told that someone would be with me shortly.

And so we waited……… and waited …….. and waited.

In the three or four hours that followed I think two people visited the room. One to check the baby’s heartbeat and one to say that the doctors were delayed as there were “emergencies” going on. Finally a doctor came in and did an examination. She gave me an ultrasound to check how old my son was and said that I was nine days away from being 6 months pregnant.

With an “I am sorry you are going to lose him” she left the room and went off. Back to her “emergencies” I assume. I was then left for ages again without any help or comfort except my family. Then a person I assume was a midwife as no one introduced themselves to me (as far as I remember) came in and asked me if my waters had broken.

Now as this was my first child and I was 19 at the time I had absolutely no idea what happened during the birthing process. I had wet myself earlier and presumed that was my waters breaking so I said “Yes”. And with that without any examination or checks being made she said “Well you can start to push then”.

I started to push and my waters broke all over everyone in the room (except Jon who was luckily holding my hand at the time). This is one of my only comforts that I got them back a little (petty I know but just the way I feel). I then spent an undetermined amount of time pushing to try to give birth to my son who was breach and as of half an hour before I started to push still alive. (I had used the machine to check that I could still hear his heartbeat).

My labour stopped two or three times and so I was given drugs to speed it up. The last time my labour stopped was just as his head was coming out and so caused him to get stuck. I asked for something for the pain and was given a Pethadine injection in my bum. Luckily, as I turned on my side to get the injection my labour started again. My son was born on the 1st of September 1997 at 11.45pm. The nurse then took him away, took some pictures and then let us hold him for a while.

As you can probably guess my sense of time is a bit skewed so I actually have no idea how long anything took. I just know that I went to the hospital late morning / early afternoon and Nathan was born at nearly midnight. During that time up until I started pushing I had about 3 or 4 people in the room the whole time I was there. They put us in the parents room for the night so I didn’t spend the night on the actual ward with all the new mums which I thought was nice. The other good thing was the Pethadine injection as I had had that I was drowsy enough to sleep otherwise I think I would have been awake all night!

There were a few kicks in the teeth after this when I couldn’t register him as he was a miscarriage and not a stillbirth (under 6 months old). Also a further kick when a doctor said to me “Do you know that you probably caused your miscarriage as you smoked when you were pregnant?” I advised him of course that I actually lost my child due to other circumstances and that if he had read my notes he would know that!

Later when I was pregnant with my daughter the doctor told me that I had a form of Lupus that only occurs during pregnancy and that was the cause of my miscarriage. I have lots of questions that remain unanswered and probably will for the rest of my life but I have a beautiful daughter and now try to “Live for the day!” It can be tough but when I feel like giving up I just think how much Nathan would have loved his little sis.

I was inspired to write my story by a fellow sufferer of loss and as I think knowledge is important please take a look at www.jessicastrust.org.uk for information on Childbed Fever sign the petition please.

Dating

As you may or may not know i am single. I have been since my hubby left in September. There wasn't an argument or any kind of nastiness we just decided that we had come to the end of our relationship as a couple. We are still good friends and he dotes on our daughter. He is always round to see her.



Anyway the point of this blog is that i have in the past had a Match.com account and been on a few other sites. I am considering joining up to a dating site again and want to be truthful about what i want. I am finding that quite hard to decide though and so i thought i would solicit some help! Lol.



See what you guys think of this for my profile.



Man wanted to fill live-out boyfriend position.

Must be willing to spend most dates in due to small person needing babysitter.

Must be willing to watch girlie films every now and then but mostly horror.

Due to above, must be willing to sleep with the light on.

Must be willing to help with menial tasks (eg washing up) and occasionally DIY.

Must not be adverse to people on benefits or small children.

Must be kind and considerate and willing to pretend to listen.

Must have electric windows and a sunroof. ;-p



If you ticked yes in the boxes for all of the above (or at least most) then please get in touch with me. So what do you think is it a winner ? Guys be honest would you date me if you saw that ??



K xxx